Have you tried being whole again? Have you tried being your true self again? Have you tried silence for weeks? For months? How was your experience? Did you meet your long lost friend again? I mean, let’s accept it, having a partner is not the same as being your total self, right? You have to split your self in half and compromise because that’s romantic love, right? There is no doubt that being in a relationship makes people happy and satisfied. But of course this could not be the case all the time. And also, this could not be the case for all people. Because the reality is, some people are truly miserable because they are in a relationship with a wrong partner or relatives; especially when these people are toxic or sociopaths.
When you try to observe, you can see that there are many people who stay in a stressful, psychologically torturing or sometimes abusive relationship just because they are afraid to be lonely or to face the emptiness within themselves. But what would be the reward if you try to dive and then emerge from the abyss? What will happen if the only person you can talk to most of the time is your self? What will you see if the only sights you can perceive are your own thoughts within? Will this make you hear your own voice clearly? Will this make you genuinely happy?
There are many reasons why people cannot appreciate being alone. But most of the time, they think this situation is not normal or will not make them happy and they cannot have fun. Worst is, without knowing, some people caught in a dysfunctional relationship because they are either codependent or addicted to sex. Or perhaps, they stay even though they recognize that their partner is shallow or vain; or even though they realize that things are stupid; that their relationship doesn’t really make sense anymore. As a human animal, it is normal that we are easily persuaded by our biological calling, these pleasures through our ancient neurotransmitters that convey us to our psychological and physiological satisfaction. These are the main motivators. But really try to think about it, is the relationship you’re in really worth it? Is it really meaningful? Because remember, sometimes pursuing only fun, happiness or satisfaction make one neurotic and/or childish.
Therefore it is really important to recognize that sometimes, the price you have to pay for these pleasure signals within your brain is not only ugly but tragic and evil! The stress and psychological chaos that bother some people on a weekly, if not daily, basis are enough to drive them nuts. Luckily for many people, they don’t realize that they are living in hell, so to speak. And luckily for many also, genuine resilience is really alive within them. But really, if you think something is wrong, when are you going to take action? Because think about it, how many pieces do you have to split your self into during the day just to keep the mask for unworthy people in your life? How many people do you have to please just because you don’t want conflict to ruin your day or your life in general?
This is not to totally suggest that you have to give up or cut ties with the people you love or value once and for all especially if they need your support. You know better and the decision is always up to you. This is just to remind that it is not healthy or worthy to lose your self forever just to avoid painful confrontations against the monster that silently and slowly kills you. If you think the relationship is worth saving, then confront them. If things are bothering you, you have to stop the denial as soon as possible because being nice doesn’t really equate to love. And in the end what, you are the selfish? You are the bad one?
Try to ask your self, do you really deserve to be a slave to someone in exchange for temporary pleasure or happiness? Do you really deserve to be in a miserable state for the rest of your life just because you don’t want to be alone or just because you believe it is the meaning of love? I think not. However, this also depends on the situation. Sometimes, people need a companion because of their health condition or they feel much safer when there is someone. If that is the case, just be sure that the person you’re with will not make your life miserable instead.
Featured image: https://fee.org/articles/the-importance-of-solitude-in-an-era-of-constant-contact/
